both churches big on prayer

Now both churches were big on prayer (according to each), and the prayers were directed to the same God. We Baptist kids had an advantage: our prayers went through directly to God, while Catholic prayers took a round-about route.

Clearly there were puzzling aspects to all this – if you stopped to think about it. I didn’t stop to think about it until later on. At the time all I thought about were girls, recess, going home from school, and sports. Nevertheless, when the time came that I said I had a problem, I resorted to prayer to get rid of the problem.

 

feeling my prayers had been answered

 

There’d be times when I felt Jesus heard and answered my prayers. I’d be able to go for fairly long periods of time without jerking off or dressing up in girlie stuff. Of course if I did one, I did the other. The two were related someway or other.

 

For spells I’d sail along not even thinking of the two – almost! I felt like a robber always looking over my shoulder to see if a cop were following me.

 

giving in without a fight

 

The time always came when I would give up without a fight. True, I had been fighting all along. But the devilish part of the whole thing was that after long periods of struggle, I would enter into a time of peace and rest. I would start breathing easier. Then BOOM ! A tiny thought would enter my head, and I’d be off and running, without lifting a finger to fight back!

 

I’d have five seconds, five minutes, five days of something I knew damn well wasn’t lasting happiness – because I knew it was just a matter of time before a tsunami of guilt and misery would bowl me over.

 

In a nutshell, that was my life for about 25 years – from the early 50’s to the middle 70’s. I took one helluva beating. Of course it made me a bear to live with.

 

wearing the mask of happiness

 

Out in public, doing my work as church pastor, I wore a mask of happiness and saintliness. But that just made matters worse. Every time I put the mask

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on, I knew I was a hypocrite. The constant reminder made my self-image sink to ever-lower depths.

 

calling myself bad names

 

I called myself awful names: lousy husband, lousy father, lousy pastor, lousy human being, a sex addict, to name but a few. Naturally, what you say is what you get. I got lousier and lousier, and felt myself being dragged deeper into my secret sexual lifestyle – which I had labeled a perversion.

 

Since only perverts have perversions, naturally I called myself a pervert on top of everything else. Perverts never get better; only worse. Most wives can’t stand being married to them.

 

My wicked ways ruined two marriages to two lovely, beautiful women – of 14 years and 10 years respectively (or thereabouts – my life has been so screwed up it’s hard to recall things in their right order).tough for my 5 kids – 4 from my first wife, 1 from my 2^nd.

 

I saw a number of psychotherapists to no avail. I thought they were all nuts. My wives told me I thought I was right and everyone else was wrong. Naturally I didn’t accept that judgment. It fueled my anger and caused my wives to be afraid of me. Imagine, afraid of Super Saint!

 

had it with Jesus

 

Then one day in the middle 70’s I had had it with Jesus – the one I fell in love with as a 5-year old boy – just about the same time I fell in love with my mom’s bloomers and stuff. I continued to love Him through thick and thin. I figured it was just a matter of time before He heard my cries for help and would rescue me.

 

On that day, with my life in shambles, I shook my fist at the heavens and literally shouted out, “Jesus, go fuck yourself. I don’t want to have another thing to do with you. I’m through with you. I don’t ever want to see you again – or hear from you! If this means I’m walking right into the arms of the devil, I could give a shit.” With that I stormed out of His presence for good!

 

Jesus’ never losing track of me

 

Or so I thought. I lost track of Him, but I had the sneaking suspicion, that even when subsequently I was up to my eyeballs in rank hedonism, He hadn’t lost track of me!

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He would never want to – because He loved me – just the way I was. Now that’s unconditional love! There were times, hard to believe, that I even felt His loving arms around me!

 

I couldn’t help but feel ashamed when I knew He could see with His own eyes the sorry way I was living. I felt I didn’t deserve one ounce of His love and comfort. Nonetheless I gladly accepted it. My heart was strangely warmed every so often – even though I knew I would continue to live as though He didn’t exist.

 

still trying

 

In the early 80’s I was married for the third time. That lasted only three years. The next 3-and-a-half years were pure hell. But it was a hell I had been creating for myself – and didn’t realize it. Hell is made for perverts and other types of scumbags, all of which I had become – because what I said, I got. How I ever got through those years, I’ll never know.

 

But of course I knew – and I can tell you how. I’m sure you can guess!

 

In July of 1989, I married my fourth wife. That marriage lasted 12 years. It started off so beautifully, so perfectly.

 

right there!

 

Prior to meeting my last wife, I had gladly come back to Jesus. It didn’t take long to find Him: I turned around and bumped right into Him. I wasn’t all that surprised: His breath on my neck and fragrance in my nostrils always told me I was never out of His presence.

 

not a chance for begging or promises

 

How glad I was to be back with Him – not at a distance of less than a yard – but bosom-to-bosom – trapped in each other’s arms. I felt so undeserving of such closeness. I didn’t have to beg or make promises for it. Tears of contrition not so much as dampened our faces pressed together. Tears of joy – His and mine – refreshed every square inch of us. That’s the effect of His love!

 

plenty of pillow-talk

 

After a church wedding where my bride and I walked on clouds of bliss, Jesus hung out with us. We were a loving threesome. We never had deep

 

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conversations: our words were the simple pillow-talk of lovers.

 

a sense of call to ministry one more time

 

Apparently, after all this time, after a million prayers, Jesus had finally decided to answer them with a “Yes.” Whew! I could finally settle down and enjoy a happy marriage to a wonderful girl. To the amazement of many, including my wife, I even sensed a renewed call to ministry! So what else was new?

 

How many chances can one man get to get back into the ministry after he’s walked away from it? This would be my fourth return! I became a candidate for the position of church pastor and was accepted. Once again I was flying high, or so it seemed.

 

yet another crash-landing

 

The flight didn’t last very long though. It wasn’t long before my plane went into a nose-dive and plummeted toward earth. I managed to pull out of the dive at the last possible second and was lucky enough to effect a crash-landing.

 

I struggled on in ministry for a year or so. It wasn’t my two big problems that were screwing things up for me. Those things seemed to have gone away. It was other things that bugged me, and once again I became a husband hard to live with.

 

It wasn’t long before my ministry and marriage were in shambles. Even though I knew perfectly well that Jesus was close to me through all of this, it seemed to me He didn’t lift a finger to help me. Yet as always, it was a little comforting to know He was around and was aware of what I was going through.

 

But I needed more than a little comfort. On Comfort Street the grass was always greener on the other side. So I high-tailed it to lush-looking patches that had a familiarity to them: dressing up, jerking off, and fantasizing.

 

going down swinging

 

As always, the comfort was short-lived. Soon again I was awash in guilt. I felt driven to give it the old college try one more time. I would go for broke and tackle a mammoth project for Jesus. I just might get lucky and deliver myself from my demons as a byproduct.

 

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I launched a new ministry even though I knew in my heart it would fail. I figured there’d be a bit of satisfaction in knowing I went down swinging!

 

Clearly my undertaking was like the last desperate move of a boxer who had already been beaten to the canvas one time too many. On my feet, I was more out than in. Everything appeared fuzzy.

 

By pure instinct alone, I staggered forward to mount a last charge. Bloodied and battered, I couldn’t even lift my hands upward, let alone throw a punch: I merely collapsed against what I thought was my opponent. It was the ref: His name was Jesus!

 

giving in

 

That was the blaze of glory in which I ended my career as a professional, ordained clergyman. I could do nothing else but give in to my wretched desires, enjoy them as best I could, and then die. I planned on dying!

 

It was like I was lying strapped to a table in the execution chamber – waiting for the appointed time to come when the executioner would inject the lethal dose into my blood steam. All was lost. No last-minute pardon was forthcoming. It was useless to do anything but just plain die.

 

a surprising afterglow

 

Strangely enough, the wave of guilt never came to take away whatever good feeling I had. As a matter of fact, the good feeling became like the glorious afterglow following extraordinary love-making.

 

Ordinarily I would be hating my dressing up and hating my masturbating but this time I was loving both and enjoying both – like when I was a young boy first getting into those things – before I called them problems.

 

What caused the change? What made things different this time? I didn’t try to think up answers to those questions. This was no time for head-work. It was time for heart-play! Time to lie back and enjoy what was happening!

 

making it through on my own?

 

Where was Jesus in all this? It seemed that I had made it through all on my own – without His help. But I knew better. I knew in my heart that somehow or other He was very much involved in seeing me through to where I wanted to be; not a hole six-feet deep, but on the surface of a sphere abundant in things which tickled the senses – things that were all

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good – with nothing bad to spoil them!

 

proof-positive

 

My head didn’t tell me Jesus was with me all along. I came to that conclusion after observing something quite amazing– something close by and familiar: my immense joy in dressing up and bringing myself to super orgasms – WITHOUT the inevitable guilt which always turned on a dashboard warning light signifying something bad was in my life.

 

seeing things in a whole new light

 

Those things weren’t bad. What was bad was my ignorance of knowing they were good! If ever I become a madam, maybe some of you gals will see whoring in a whole new light and happily play along with me. The world owes a lot more than it realizes to ladies of the night. Isn’t God good!

 

a super help for care-takers

 

Sex, and the joy from sex, could only have been invented by a loving God who had the happiness and welfare of Her/His children as Priority # 1. These things therefore couldn’t possibly be perversions. They could only be precious gifts meant to be enjoyed to the uttermost. They were simple, wonderful, amazing things designed by God to keep the care-takers of the universe wanting to be care-takers!

 

the biggest no-brainer of all

 

Let a person experience that ineffable joy, and realize it is only for those who observe however many operational laws of the universe there are. S/He will never chance losing that joy by choosing no-things in place of Some-things as a matter of course. That’s the biggest no-brainer of all!

 

loved just the way I was

 

It took Eliot a long, long time to learn this. He traveled over a road of misery many a mile. But all of that is not a bitter memory which ruins his every waking moment. It’s really just a laughing matter now! Ellie/Eliot has nothing to cry about and everything to laugh about!

 

Once upon a time, Eliot reached the point where the very sight and sound of him made him feel like vomiting. When that point was reached, Jesus came by, took Eliot in His arms, and said “I love you, just the way you are!”

 

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Who in the whole wide world can reject such love? I tell you: no one can! Sooner or later the Love of God will catch up to each one of us and we’ll gladly surrender to it.

 

But what’s the sense of making God play catch-up? Makes about as much sense as stopping an orgasm in the middle of it!

 

Strangely – unfathomably – when you surrender to the God of Love/The Love of God – you start loving yourself – just the way you are!

 

becoming what I wanted to be all along

 

Stranger yet – more unfathomable – without any effort on your part, you cease being the way you are! You start becoming the way you’ve wanted to be all along!

 

out of the ashes – - Ellie!

 

My last marriage died. Old Eliot died. Out of his pitiful ashes emerged Ellie! What a beautiful creature!

 

the real cause of our troubles

 

Global warming can mess us up big-time. We blame it on a million things we do in our carelessness. But it goes a lot deeper than that! The real cause of it is all the hate and killing we’re involved in.

 

That’s not to say we should forget about all the things that Al Gore and environmental scientists are telling us we need to do. It’s a case of both/and.

 

When we hate and kill, we not only put ourselves on the road to death; we put our world on a course to extinction. Our dearest dreams get messed up: we don’t attain them. Our beautiful environment gets messed up: we can’t enjoy it. We all are created with a common dream: living happily ever after in a Garden of Eden!

 

not born with death-wishes

 

Not one soul has ever been created with a death-wish. When Hitler bounced on his daddy’s knee, he laughed just like the rest of us when our dads bounced us. Killing others was the farthest thing on his mind. He

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wasn’t born with the thought that one day he would kill six million Jews and blow his own brains out in a war-time bunker.

 

brainwashed to death

 

You don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Nobody wants to die. Yet anyone of us can be brainwashed in some way so that we can get it into our heads that we need to die, as if there were some big pay-off in it.

 

Having been born into a devout Christian family, I eventually came to believe that it was better to die and be with Christ, than to live on this crummy pain-filled earth. But if that were true, why did God go to all the trouble to make a beautiful earth at all and put us on it – only to wish we weren’t there!

 

religions precipitating civil war in the family of God

 

Our religions can be help; they can also be a hindrance. It’s safe to say that our religions and schools of philosophy were started by people who one way or another discovered a portion of truth.

 

People like Confucius, Buddha, Mohamed, Abraham, Moses, and Jesus discovered wonderful truths. The bottom line for all of them had to do with people living in love – essentially people getting along with people – being kind and supportive of one another.

 

different kinds of inventors

 

Through the ages people have come along making wonderful discoveries in other fields, which at first glance wouldn’t appear to be related to religion or philosophy.

 

We don’t think of Mozart, the Wright Brothers, or Sir Edmund Hilary as religionists or philosophers. Yet who can deny their own unique discoveries were truths that made things better for our human family.

 

I’m convinced that the grasper of any kind of truth was initially excited by the thought that her/his discovery was going to be a blessing or cause of happiness to people. When Roger Bannister ran the first sub-four-minute mile, did not millions the world over experience great joy and happiness?

 

The founder of break-dancing and the inventor of the bra invented things they figured would be a help to many people. The guy who invented the technique of unhooking a broad’s bra one-handedly – multitudes of us owe

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many a good time to him!

 

the inventor of the one-hand technique

 

It’s only common sense to assume the inventor of the one-hand technique of unhooking a bra was a guy, wouldn’t you say? His invention was the best thing since sliced bread. It was a real some-thing!

 

Now suppose a guy wanted to invent a technique for helping a girl get back into her bra with one hand tied behind his back – and no fairs using his teeth or feet. You can hardly imagine that. You can try, but you don’t get very far.

 

What you can’t image, you can’t accomplish. That’s a corollary of the operational law: the law of imagination – or visualization. The summation of that law is: Visualization leads to actualization. Cause and effect again.If you can’t imagine it, you can’t accomplish it.

 

Eliot glad to try

 

I’ll have to admit I’ve dallied next to the impossible scene. The whole preposterous scenario is one of the funniest things I’ve ever tried to imagine. If ever I succeeded, I would patent the technique and sell the secret to boob-thirsty guys. Most girls wouldn’t be dumb enough to fall for the scam!

 

I just can’t visualize being able to enclose two lovely tits in a bra using just one of my hands. It’s against my common sense. However I can visualize the fun of trying! (Obviously, this is the Eliot side of me talking now!)

 

So there I am, with a 36DD bra in my free hand, standing next to a bare-breasted 36DD broad. I can think of worse positions to be in!

 

a great time failing

 

I’m fumbling – bumbling to no avail, but I’m having one helluva time failing! Naturally my free hand is brushing against boobs and nipples, and taking an occasional side trip into a breath-taking cleavage. Just thinking about all this is getting me horny!

 

Could you say for sure she wouldn’t be getting a bit horny too? Sure, this is an experiment, but it’s not quite like the ones I endured in

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a great possibility

 

I can imagine the scenario; I just can’t imagine getting the bra back on her. That means that while putting the bra back on one-handedly is an impossibility, the act of trying is a definite possibility.

 

How’s this for a scam? I say to a girl: “I’ll bet you 20 I can take your bra off with one hand.” She replies: “I’d be crazy to take that bet: most guys could.”

 

“Well, then, I’ll bet you 20 that once I get it off using just one hand, I can get it back on again with just one hand.”

 

“Oh yeah? You’re on! You’ve got yourself a bet!”

 

Naturally I wouldn’t give up after one futile attempt. I’d give up only after both of us were horny as hoot owls. I know the piece of ass I’d get would be the bargain of the ages!

 

re: “the world’s most advanced bra”

 

On the other hand, the inventor of what is called “the world’s most advanced bra” really created a no-thing. By rights, no-things should pass from sight quickly, as I hope this bra will do – along with sickness, old age, death, war, and taxes!

 

It is designed to prevent nipple see-through! If you’re wearing one, you can rest comfortably whether you’re in the frozen-food aisle, an ice-skating rink, or an air-conditioned office with your seat directly below the AC outlet.

 

working against your best interests

 

Gosh, any fool knows the nipple is the sexiest part of a boob! Creating no-things will always result in working against somebody’s best interests. I doubt if it’s only mine. The huge, highly successful company which touts this bra is headed for extinction if it doesn’t smarten up.

 

Any girl who wants to know the fun of being sexy should stay away from that no-thing! The current trend to ex-pose cleavages and dis-pose nipples is something to op-pose. Whoever invented that bra anyway? A man or a woman?

 

Which ever it was, she/he had little understanding of our human sexual nature. Please girls, run away from all the brainwashing that we find in our

slick girlie mags. Keep on top of things by subscribing to Ellie’s

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PROVINCETOWN LIBERATOR!

!

 

By all means, get back to flimsy bras; in fact, no bra is better yet. Eliot will show you some neat exercises to keep your boobs young, luscious, and up where they were designed to be.

 

grateful for all some-things

 

It’s only common sense that we be grateful for each and every discovery – as long as the discovery is of a some-thing, rather than a no-thing. The inventor of the atom bomb was clearly out of bounds. He made a wrong choice.

 

He chose not to observe the operational law of the universe called the law of unconditional love. When we Americans hang onto our nuclear weapons, we are following in his train. There is no weapon made that enhances our quality of life. We become destroyers – not care-takers.

 

respecting each other

 

When we look at things this way, it makes no sense that our particular religion, philosophy, or way of thinking be used in any way to divide the human family into warring factions.

 

This is not to say that every particular thing a group believes in is correct.

 

Every true reality has an opposite false unreality. It stands to reason that if one group says white is white, and another group says black is white, they both can’t be right.

 

But that’s no excuse for the two groups to declare war on each other. Sure as shooting, the group who says black is white knows a truth the white crowd doesn’t know.

 

discovering we’re wrong not a bad thing

 

We need to be thankful when we’ve discovered a truth. We need also to be thankful when we discover we are wrong in something. If our intention is to go to San Francisco from St. Louis, but we’re heading east, does it make any sense to be pissed off at someone who informs us we’re headed in the wrong direction?

 

Do we have much say in where we’re going to be born? Can a baby help it if it’s born in North Korea? Can one help it if it’s born in the USA? Does it make

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any sense to brag that one country is better than the others? Do only bad things come out of North Korea, while only good things come out of America?

 

the journey from ignorance to knowledge

 

Every one of us is a work in progress. We’re all on a journey from ignorance to true knowledge. It’s only common sense: be kind to one another – and help each other along the way.

 

sicknesses melting away

 

Let’s be thankful for our sicknesses. Without them we’d keep heading in the wrong direction. As soon as we turn around and head in the direction of love, our sicknesses will start to go away – like magic.

 

At the present time we tend to climb into bed with only our kind of people. If you found yourself in bed with Ellie – aye, someone would declare us strange bedfellows.

 

It’s taken me a long time to learn that anyone and everyone is a great piece of ass! Oh Ellie, you’re incorrigible! What do you know about anything!

 

what I do know for sure

 

Well, I’ll tell you what I know: I switched horses in the middle of the stream! I started out this first edition with the firm intention of showing that all religions are whacky – that the best thing for the world would be if we dismantled our religions like I intend to dismantle our armed forces and get rid of our military mentality.

 

Now nobody came into my home and argued the case for religion. I simply saw the light. The light couldn’t have come at a better time!

 

stopped dead in my tracks

 

In what I intended to be my final editing, I came to one of my typical anti-religion outbursts. I stopped dead in my tracks. I knew that what I had written was more wrong than right. I haven’t deleted the passage so I’ll let you read it right now. I’ll boldface it so you can separate it from my revision which is on page 87 – under the heading of “religions precipitating civil war in the family of God.”

 

 

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“If we used our common sense, we’d soon come to the conclusion that all religions are products of man’s hate, not creations of God’s love. Religions divide the human family and precipitate civil war in the Family of God.

 

“The truly insidious thing about religion is much of it can sound so good. The words that fall from the lips of esteemed religious leaders can sound so right – so truthful. They can easily be accepted as the very word of God. Yet they are not – by a long shot.”

 

COMMENT – THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS, NOT WORDS OF LOVE. IT’S WORDS LIKE THOSE WHICH PRECIPITATE CIVIL WAR IN THE FAMILY OF GOD! IT’S THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!

–

 

I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO ADMIT I’M A WORK IN PROGRESS TOO – DAMMIT! THERE GOES ALL MY FUN IN TAKING POT SHOTS AT IGNORANT RELIGIOUS PEOPLE. SOME KIND OF FUN, HUH? MAYBE I SHOULD STICK TO SCREWING. PROBABLY I’M NOT GETTING LAID ENOUGH1

 

I’LL FIX THAT! I’LL GET MY ARTIST-FRIEND TO CREATE FOR ME ANOTHER SAYING BOARD – THAT SAYS:

 

“OPEN PUSSY FIRST – THEN MOUTH”

 

the most important question of all

 

Here’s the most important question of all: “How do you know if you’ve been brainwashed into believing a lie?” That is some question, baby!

 

Simple! God has invented a way we can tell. Automobile manufactures took a page out of God’s Book when they invented dashboard warning lights.

 

dashboard warning lights

 

Most car owners and drivers are pretty ignorant when it comes to cars – so dashboard warning lights are a great help, particularly to this ignorant majority. When a red or orange light goes on, you know you’ve got to do something immediately, or very soon. If you choose to ignore the lights, you’ll be sorry.

 

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The most common warning light for humans is sickness. The first sign of a cold is a warning light: a sniffle, a cough, a headache, a depressed feeling, an anxious feeling.

 

when a light comes on

 

These things aren’t normal! They are signs that we’ve got trouble and we’d better take care of it quickly!

 

These trouble lights are extremely sensitive. They don’t come on only when there’s a major malfunction in us; they shine at the tiniest of malfunctions. The moment you start to harbor a little grudge against someone, you’ll start to come down with something. A light will come on.

 

I have actually had a honey of a car die on me because I didn’t notice a drop in oil pressure. That was in the days before warning lights. Warning lights are a big improvement. They’re hard not to see. I seized up an engine – totally cooked it – because I hadn’t made a habit of checking the oil pressure gauge like I checked the gas gauge.

 

ignoring a light at our own peril

 

Now you can hold onto the grudge if you want to – it’s your choice. God hopes you’ll do something about it – but S/He won’t put a gun to your head saying, “Let go of that hate – or else!”

 

But if you choose not to let it go, be sure that whatever little sickness or malaise has come upon you will get worse. The light will stay lit. The only time it will go out is when you fix the problem – or die. When you go out, it goes out! Your death is not the sensible way to put it out!

 

where the blame lies

 

You can’t blame your death on anyone except yourself. God didn’t kill you. The person you held the grudge against didn’t kill you. Your mother didn’t. Your spouse didn’t. You stuck it to yourself. You did yourself in!

 

death not a punishment for sin

 

It wasn’t that you sinned and was being punished for your sin. There is no sin because there is no set of moral absolutes, the breaking of which is a sin, according to the inventor of those absolutes.

 

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All the following are no-things: sin, hell, limbo, purgatory, the devil. A final judgment, salvation, damnation, punishment, rewards for the righteous, eternal death, eternal torment, eternal separation from God, believers, unbelievers, the saved, the lost, the chosen few. These are no-things – unrealities – even though they might seem as real as your prick or pussy!

 

Belief in any of these invented lies – untruths – nothings – unrealities – will cause one not to observe the operational laws of the universe. Warning lights will come on. We need to heed them. We need to check on ourselves and find out what operational law we’re not observing.

 

We don’t have to heed a warning light, or check up on ourselves though. It’s strictly our choice. Die if we want. Live if we want.

 

neat things from accepting Ellie’s leadership

 

Can’t you see that if America accepts the leadership of Ellie, all of the huge problems that have been hounding us, for which the brainiest of us have had no viable solution, will vanish in thin air?

 

wrestling with the same old problems

 

Folks in Washington have been wrestling with the same old problems for years – through all administrations: social security; a zillion-dollar national debt; medicare; health insurance for all; our welfare program; lessening our dependency on foreign oil.

 

Our leaders talk, and talk, and talk. Back and forth. Round and round. The same old same old. Can you cite a fresh thought that has been introduced – ever? What was the last new idea that suddenly lifted the spirit of America and made us shout for joy that we were Americans?

 

along comes Ellie

 

You can accuse Ellie of many indiscretions: ONE ball slipping out of her bikini bottom; bending over too far; singing too loud and too long. But what you can’t accuse her of is stale thinking and lack of creativity.

 

Have there been many American leaders who have had such an all-encompassing concern for the American people? Ellie has the balls to tackle the most complex of issues which make our lives miserable. She is not content to simply wade around in a pool of symptoms. To Ellie, it’s only common sense that she deal with root-causes.

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the weird summer of 2006

 

In the summer of 2006, when Ellie’s own dashboard warning lights were glowing brightly, there were long stretches when she could hardly get up to go to the bathroom, let alone pull her cart around the streets of P’Town.

 

Every cloud has a silver lining! Unable to get out and sing, Ellie had time on her hands to look around herself, as it were, and make observations. For the better part of five years she had struggled to write a book. She sensed that writing would become her major source of livelihood.

 

But it wasn’t much of a livelihood, because, despite her best efforts, she couldn’t even decide what to write about. In that period she produced three or four unfinished books.

 

discovering at least eight operational laws of the universe

 

But three weeks before summer began on June 21st, she saw something to write home about! She discovered for herself what she calls “the operational laws of the universe” – and the concept of “living in sync with the universe.” That is simply living in accordance with those operational laws (she counted eight in number, realizing there may be more).

 

This discovery hardly belonged to her solely, although at first she thought it did! These laws are “out there” waiting to be discovered by anybody. They’re not discovered by brain-strain. A scientist or philosopher with a string of Ph.D.’s behind her/his name has no advantage over a school-kid, or even a street-performer as outrageous as Ellie!

 

the fun of discovering truth

 

Hey, if you want something unique and different to do some cold winter’s night, put your imagination into PLAY. Sit down before a cozy fire and let your inner eyes wander all throughout the universe. They’ll come across some interesting sights.

 

Tarry by a few of them. See what conclusions you can draw from them. You’ll be amazed at what you come up with. And most amazing of all, it’s impossible for you to come up with a wrong conclusion!

 

Ellie’s first book – humble looking, but dy-no-mite

 

On the first day of summer, the first copy of Ellie’s first book rolled off the

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press, i.e. her computer’s printer. Probably 3/4’s of it was unedited. It had little resemblance to a bona fide book: 32 pages of 8 1/2 x 11 sheets stapled together.

 

She gave up trying to invent a catchy name for it. That started to become too much like work – and Ellie, fun-girl that she is – hates work!

 

She called it simply “ELLIE’S BOOK.”BOOK.” However, an intriguing sub-title did float into her head. She thought it would be fun to use it: “THE BOOK THE WORLD HAS BEEN WAITING FOR.”

 

If you haven’t read it yet, just let me know you’d like me to send you a copy. I’m asking for a donation of only $10. The book is germinal to all that I write and say. Like all my thinking, it’s based on common sense.

 

how to break the news

 

Of course 99.99 % of the world didn’t know it was waiting for my book. Ellie would just have to break that news to it somehow or other. She knew she’d discover how. She’d lie back (a favorite position of hers), relax, and the answer would surely come – on time and in time!

 

tips and donations for services rendered

 

Whether I sing, write, or comfort people, I do it out of the goodness of my heart. Do I do it for free? Absolutely not: I have to earn my keep just like the rest of you. That’s an implication of the operational law I call “the law of maintenance.” I’m living on donations for “services rendered.”

 

That’s a helluva lot better than being a leader living off taxes for “services unrendered”!

 

A leader using hard-earned tax dollars for waging war, maintaining military forces, developing an arsenal of weapons is hardly rendering Americans a service. It’s a total dis-service – a no-thing. It’s a “no-service” that backfires on us! It gets taxpayers involved in the no-thing of hate.

 

a killing mentality from our country’s birth

 

America itself is dying not only because we’re killing those we choose to call terrorists, but because killing has been a way of life from the very inception of our nation. America was doomed when the first Native American Indian was killed.

 

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Instead of using our common sense and stopping the killing, we went full-speed ahead with it! We “justified” our actions by keeping before us the “wise saying”: “Kill – or be killed.”

 

With our killing mentality, we obliterated two large Japanese cities with atomic bombs. We leveled much of Germany.

 

We call Hitler a monster for killing six million Jews and yet we call ourselves enlightened because we allow women to keep their unborn babies, or do away with them, under certain conditions, and for the right reasons.

 

never a right reason to kill

 

There is never a right reason to kill a fellow-member of the human family – whether by war, by abortion, as punishment for a crime, or any other reason. It’s sheer lunacy!

 

I think that goes for killing any sub-human creature unless to provide food and material for necessary clothing – but certainly not just for sport or for the sheer thrill of killing.

 

barbarism

 

It’s hard to believe that in olden times, great crowds of people excitedly gathered to watch gladiators and knights in shining armor fight to the death. Even bull fights are being seen as barbaric in places where once they were deemed great sport. Nevertheless, in certain sections of America, specially trained killer dogs and roosters draw crowds of blood-thirsty people.

 

“civilized” executions

 

We’ve attempted to make executions as punishment for capital crimes more civilized. Gone are hangings in town squares, but death by electrocution, gas, or poison persists in some states – and is hardly a step in the right direction. The only right direction is the elimination of all killing.

 

Even as I write this, Saddam Hussein is heading for the gallows. Some will cheer loudly. Guaranteed: their dashboard warning lights will go on. If ignored, the malfunction will get worse and worse, until they shit the bed! We on the outside of prisons say of one who is being executed: “The bitch/bastard is getting a just and deserved pay-back.” The truth is: “Two wrongs never make a right.” A society which judges, imprisons, and punishes “criminals” is killing itself slowly but surely.

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violence on our screens a reflection of our violent mentality

 

But see how we satisfy our thirst for blood and gore in movies and video games drenched in violence! Many of our sports are full of violence. It just makes things more interesting. Tell that to a football player who is now a paraplegic in a wheelchair from getting nailed by an opponent with a killer-instinct. All of this is a reflection of our violent mentality.

 

Babies aren’t born with a violent mentality. But a baby who grows up in a culture of violence is bound to import that violence – and then export it.

 

bedroom antics

 

We even get suckered into fucking violently! Now a little hickey is one thing. A little athleticism too: a great motivation for keeping fit. But turning a love nest into a torture chamber is against all common sense.

 

It’s trying to mix the some-thing of love with the no-thing of hate. Love and hate don’t mix: stir all you want. As a matter of fact, hate evaporates love so that the only ingredient left in the bowl is hate. What a pity that we Americans have become specialists in stirring up hate.

 

People who emerge from such bedrooms are not hardened lovers: simply hardened haters. They may think something good is coming from it. But the red lights on their dashboards tell a different story. When you come knockin’ on Ellie’s door, have only love in your hands. Leave the whips and chains on the doorstep.

 

Whips, chains, and studded leather uniforms are favored possessions of haters, not lovers. They’re bound to gain popularity in a culture steeped in violence. Limiting our violence to watching it on screens large and small, whether on our walls, in our hands, or on the screens of our minds, is no step in the right direction either.

 

America the leader of world violence

 

Ellie has written that America is the leader of world violence. We are responsible for the killing of more human beings annually than all of the Arab countries put together. Yet we so easily call certain Arab leaders monsters and devils! This is certainly a case of the pot calling the kettle black!

 

The world will never settle down into a sweet peace as long as we hurl bombs and insults at other members of our own human family. Does it take

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a Ph.D. in psychology to figure this out?

 

what Bush-bashing says about us

 

As soon as Ellie arrived in P’Town she found herself in territory drenched in Bush-bashing. It went far beyond disagreeing with Mr. Bush’s policies. It was replete with hateful name-calling and judgment. P’Town it seemed didn’t want GW on the next bus out of town, but under it! If he had been killed by a bolt of lightning, it would have been declared a town holiday!

 

Ellie’s two cents-worth

 

What did Ellie do when she found herself surrounded by Bush-bashers? True to her roots as a Republican, she bashed the Bush-bashers! Oh, she tried to be civil about it, but really the Bush-bashers pissed her off!

P’town on the skids

 

Little wonder why P’Town is on the skids with all our bashing! Besides, our bashing is not limited to politics. We fight over a lot of stuff.

 

Just like individuals: families, towns and cities have dashboard warning lights. These groupings come down with ailments too. In P’Town, one big pain-in-the-butt is our lack of affordable housing.

 

So we put on our corporate thinking cap – and think, and think, and think. If thinking were the way to solve the problem, it would have been solved long ago!

 

Trouble is: our thinking is focused on symptoms, not on the root-cause. The root-cause is: the PROVINCETOWN FAMILY is engaged in a civil war! We’re involved in the NO-THING OF HATE – rather than the SOME-THING OF LOVE ! Provincetown is sticking it to itself.

 

good news!

 

This all sounds pretty grim. But hang on, gang, all is not lost! As a matter of fact, things have never been better!

 

talking in circles

 

It sounds like I’m talking in circles, doesn’t it? But I’m not. How come? Because I know the end from the beginning!

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I know I’ve landed in P’Town carrying the most contagious substance in the world: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I can’t keep it to myself: it’s like a bad case of the measles. I spread the contagion wherever I go. Get within a hundred miles of me and it gits you!

 

P’Town might look like it’s dying to a lot of people, but I know there’s no need to alert the undertaker. It’s time to strike up the band and celebrate!

 

 

Mary and Martha pissed

 

When Jesus apparently didn’t heed the news from Mary and Martha that their brother Lazarus was about to croak, that really pissed them off. Jesus didn’t drop everything and come running to the rescue. He took His sweet time getting to the scene of the tragedy. By the time He got there, sure enough, Lazarus had kicked the bucket.

 

You see, Jesus knew the end from the beginning. He got there in time for the celebration.

 

Ellie didn’t get to Iraq on New Year’s Eve to celebrate the end of the war with the beleaguered Iraqis, but she was celebrating nonetheless. And it felt just like she was there!

 

the law of cause and effect: another operational law

 

Ellie knows the answer to the affordable housing crisis – like she knows the answer to global warming. We live in a universe governed by a little rule called “cause and effect.”

 

I guess you could add that to the other operational laws. Cause and effect is no big mystery known only to the likes of Dr. Einstein. Eliot learned that in the fourth grade. Cause: staring at a girl’s tits. Effect: nasty glances in return.

Cause: girls’ nasty glances. Effect: the development of Eliot’s peripheral vision.

 

Now that’s not a bad thing: as long as the heart behind the eyes is seeing straight. But old Eliot didn’t start to see straight until Jesus dropped by one day – just to love on him!

 

overlooking the law

 

Sometimes in my exuberance I forget about the law of cause and effect. But

 

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not to worry: a dashboard warning light comes on to inform me somethings wrong.

 

These lights don’t go on when something is wrong with other people. They’ve got their lights; we’ve got ours. Isn’t it funny how when things start to get shitty for us, we look outside ourselves to find the cause?

 

When I carry the message of love having a heart that is not 100% loving, I’ll never see the effect I want to see: people saying, “Ellie, tell us more. You’ve got the answer to all of our problems.”

 

P’Town’s rallying around a favorite daughter

 

Ellie knows that gaining the support of her fellow-townies is crucial to her plans of ending the war in Iraq. P”Town is noted for its lovers of peace and peace activists.

 

a great urgency

 

I’m hoping that I will see a way of getting my newspaper into hands of townies in particular. That will kill two birds with one stone. Maybe we should change the metaphor and get away from the one which reflects our mentality of violence.

 

I’ve got it! We’ve already spoken of it: the one-handed technique of unhooking a girl’s bra. In one neat little move, two boobs are bared! The move always comes in a state of urgency!

 

carrying on the figure of speech

 

Metaphorically, one boob is P’Town. The other is America.

 

Writing this is so much fun! It keeps me close in touch with things I love to touch! Mine or yours: it makes no difference! “Both/and” is even better!

 

P’Town is a fit microcosm of the nation. As P’Town needs to observe the operational laws of the universe, so must America.

 

I don’t think we have the luxury of having a lot of time to turn things around. Day after day the headlines grow more ominous. This is no time to lose ourselves in our frivolities. Getting laid is not one of them!

 

Good thing we don’t need an actual second human being to have a great sex life. Our built-in soul-mates will carry the day for us every time – any

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time! Insights and revelations come quicker to satisfied lovers than to people frustrated by a lack of nifty nooky.

 

no solutions found in think tanks

 

Jamming ourselves into a think-tank so that corporately we can strain our brains for a solution never results in a consensus worth anything. Insights and revelations that come to even one person have the magical quality of solving numerous problems in one fell swoop. Like one hand quickly freeing

two boobs, and all the happy possibilities that opens up!

 

There can never be more than enough unconditional love hanging around. The never comes a time when we can say, “We’ve got enough love; we don’t need any more.”

 

More love is the crying need of P’Town; it’s the crying need of America. When the love-light goes out, what remains is an unfriendly, scary darkness.

 

two kinds of family reunions

 

Basically there are only two kinds of family reunions: great and awful. Outside of a great piece of ass, there is hardly anything nicer than a great family reunion – when a family gets together as ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.

 

The food is great. The games are great. The fun and banter are great. The uplift is great. You can hardly wait for the next one.

 

Awful family reunions are things we all want to run from. Who needs them?

 

the main ingredient of a great family reunion

 

What is it that makes a family reunion great: the food, the games, the banter, the joking, the setting, the weather? Noooooooooo. It’s the love that’s there in many different forms. When love is present, a good time is had by all!

 

Love is the greatest thing in the universe. It’s the most powerful force in the universe. It’s really the summation of everything.

 

It creates excitement. It makes our heart beat quicker than usual. It makes us smile. It banishes our worries. It makes us want to reach out and touch someone.

 

Love makes us want to sing, shout, and dance. Whether we’re alone, or

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with others – five, ten, fifty – all of the above apply.

 

something special

 

But there’s something really special when at least one other can share the moments. Before I realized there was another complete person within me – of the opposite sex – one who loved me just the way I loved her – I was constantly looking for someone to share my time with.

 

I was always disappointed though – because I was never loved quite the way I wanted to be loved. What’s more, I had the disappointing feeling that they felt the same way – in reverse.

 

Ellie’s search for a soul-mate

 

Even when I became Ellie, I was looking for someone who would love me the way I wanted to be loved. Like Eliot, Ellie was looking for a girl – but for different reasons. Eliot wanted a girl to screw. I did too, but I wanted even more. I wanted to be accepted by a real live girl – who would overlook the fact that I had a cock dangling between my legs – and still would want to make it with me.

 

Fortunately Ellie met a girl who almost met those requirements. In the first blush of romance it seemed she met those requirements perfectly.

 

close – but no cigar

 

She had requirements too. At first Ellie seemed to meet her requirements. In time we both came to the sad realization that it was “close, but no cigar.”

 

Close is never good for any of us. We’re not looking for close. We’re looking for a magical merging – so that the two become one. As usual, there was a sad, even bitter parting.

 

back to square #1?

 

Once again it seemed I was trapped in disappointment – still trapped. It was not a good feeling. It could have quickly ruined me. I could have reverted back to old Eliot, concluding my transformation was not real – only a charade. Except that now I knew I was not trapped in any no-thing, but rather, trapped in the Greatest Some-thing of all time and eternity: the Love of God!

 

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forgetful

 

We can know something great, but still forget it. But when it’s love, the greatest power in the universe, it can’t stay forgotten long.

 

With the slightest remembrance of the fact that I was trapped only in God’s love, my icky feelings flew out the window, and in rushed every wonderful feeling I could ever imagine – and some I couldn’t imagine!

 

Now I am Eliot/Ellie. I am also Ellie/ Eliot. We are Love. We are God.

 

reaching out to the family

 

Our love is infinite – limitless. And so as One Being we reach out to the Family – and that includes every single one of you!

 

We enjoy great family reunions constantly – every time we’re with someone else – or a bunch of others!

 

When you’re in such a family, naturally you want to get to know the entire family. The family is spread all over the planet.

 

It would take an infinite amount of time and money to get to know everyone on the earth. We’re not talking about a little, rushed, 5-minute visit. We would hardly be able to remember the names of family we met.

 

dumping plans of dying

 

The good news is: we’ve got both the time and the money! God created us with all the time and all the money we need, and then some! We’re not going anywhere. Dump any plans you have of dying!

 

I believe in all reality, you have dumped them! The moment you started to read this funny looking newspaper – the moment you ran into the funny person known as Ellie of Provincetown – the dumping process began – hardly without your even knowing it!

 

Ellie’s need to make big bucks

 

My dreams are big and they all cost big bucks: traveling to Iraq, the unholy Holy Land, Iran, North Korea; throughout America visiting wounded soldiers, families of loved ones killed in the senseless slaughter, prisoners locked up behind barbarous barbed wire.

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Be sure EL-LIE-GANT ELLIE won’t be found traveling economy-class carrying a brown bag lunch. My singing will cover some of it. My writing will cover a big portion of it. They’re both things I love to do.

 

capitalizing on my biggest talent

 

I’d be less than honest if I told you that’s all I like to do. Like I said: I love to get laid. Do you think I’d love it less if I got paid for doing it? Are you nuts?

 

To ease myself into the oldest profession in the world, I think I’ll start a Telephone Sexy Pillow Talk service. That’d be fun – a great way to keep warm on winter nights here in P’Town. Being free of all labels, I’d service anyone and everyone.

 

calling for a good time

 

I’ve got something for guys and gals alike. I come well-equipped!

 

What’s the donation? It’s $10 for every five minutes. The last time I knew, that was 2 bucks a minute. If you have friends who’d like to get in on the fun – and you have a speaker-phone – we can make it a gang-bang. They’re always fun! It’s cost-effective beside.

 

This is the way we’ll handle it: you mail your donation first. By the amount donated, I’ll figure out with my calculator how long you want the fun to last. Then I’ll call you by phone to set up the date and time.

 

Having the cash up front, I’ll have a free mind. I won’t have to wonder if I’m screwing, or being screwed. My phone is 508-487-4150.

 

starting my own newspaper

 

Starting my own newspaper might seem like a big deviation from my plans to help the Iraqis rebuild all that we destroyed in our ignorance; to bring all of our troops home today if not sooner!; to dismantle our military machine and destroy all of our munitions and weapons down to our last pea-shooter; to get the American people to stop paying taxes; etc.

 

No American leader has ever envisioned making such sweeping changes. Why? Because most of us have been brainwashed into thinking that the things Ellie plans to eradicate – are things we absolutely can’t do without. Like the Pilgrims and the earliest settlers of P’Town were convinced of: you can’t have a civilized society without a rule of law.

 

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We couldn’t establish a new nation without laws – so our founding fathers sweated, and strained, and argued, and made enemies, in the process of writing a constitution. The end result is a constitution we’re still fighting over.

 

America – a police state

 

With all of our laws, and all of our agencies devoted to making sure we keep these laws, we are becoming a police state if there ever were one. Big Brother is watching our every move. He knows where we are at any given moment. If he doesn’t like what we’re doing, if we’re interfering with his plans, he has ways of erasing us.

 

If we Americans knew one-tenth of what goes on behind closed doors in Washington, most of us would die of fright. We are powerless to change policies that a school kid can figure out is nuts.

 

Prior to elections a big deal is made of registering voters so the people will have a voice – for after all, ours is a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. But is it really?

 

government for the people?

 

Are most Americans absolutely convinced their government is for them? Do they have the comfortable feeling that their leaders live, and breathe, and are willing to die for them?

 

It doesn’t seem like they have much time to care for Mr. and Mrs. America and their kids: they’re usually too busy wrangling with each other, struggling to break up partisan grid-lock, and jockeying for the pole position.

 

It’s not that people in leadership are bad. They’re all good people, just like us. They’re family. It’s just that when any one of us chose no-things instead of some-things – when any one of us ignores a lit dashboard warning light, it has a bad effect on all of us.

 

laws are for law-breakers only

 

Laws are needed only when there are law-breakers around. But there are none of those around. We only think there are – in our ignorance.

 

God didn’t create any laws to speak of. So there are none to break. What I call ‘the operational laws of the universe” are not so much laws as they are

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guiding principals so that in observing them, we can fulfill our roll as caretakers of each other and of the entire universe.

 

Government itself is a no-thing, merely the absence of a some-thing. It is the absence of self-governance, or self-control. No-things like laws and government of any size essentially are unrealities. Dealing with unrealities is just one more absurd unreality.

 

When we try to create an unreality, we can convince ourselves that we’ve succeeded in doing something of significance. But how significant is nothing?

 

doing without government do-able

 

Like war, death, sickness, and laws – government is something we can surely do without. Now I’m not saying we can do without leaders or leadership. Those are realities.

 

God has created us all to be leaders – to be involved in leadership. A popular saying is: “You can’t have all chiefs; you need Indians too.” But that’s just another saying that reflects ignorance, not wisdom or common sense.

 

God re-creating Her/Himself

 

Everything God is, we are. Is there any question that God is Supreme Leader?

 

When a Supreme Leader recreates Her/Himself, S/He can only create more Supreme Leaders. How bad can things get if the world is full of Supreme Leaders – full of Unconditional Love?

 

Everything is a re-creation of God. A cockroach might not look like God. Probably you wouldn’t say you looked much like a cockroach. Egads: and here I’ve been telling people I’m sexy, gorgeous, and 25. But who’s to say a roach can’t be all of those things – in its own way?

 

Just remember that the next time you try to squash a roach with your big foot. Do you really want to take out the Supreme Leader? It can’t be done, even though you think you’ve just done it.

 

One of the operational laws of the universe is: the indestructibility of matter. You can’t destroy what exists. Even that poor little roach is trapped in the love of God!

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Ellie sounding really weird now!

 

I realize all of this is starting to sound absurd – really weird. I have to admit: it sounds that way to me too. That’s why I’ve said: take a break every once in a while; don’t get rattled by my absurd-sounding words; get centered; and move on.

 

Truth is caught, not taught. Whatever is true here, you’ll catch and understand. Whatever is not, you don’t even have to worry about. What’s the sense of worrying about nothing?

 

everything a caretaker in its own way

 

I’ve said that we humans are the caretakers of the universe. But in reality, every created thing is a caretaker of the universe. We all lend a helping hand to each other to get the job done. Job? It’s no job. It’s fun!

 

Jobs, work, difficult assignments are all uncreated unrealities! Life is all fun and games!

 

the futility of laws

 

Laws don’t work. If they did, it would only follow that the more laws we have, the fewer crimes we’ll have. Once in a while there’s a dip in law-breaking, but mostly, law-breaking is on the rise.

 

Once again we’re guilty of treating a symptom rather than excising a root problem. The root problem is always tied in to our ignorance of truth. The challenge is to expose people to the need of loving everyone unconditionally. It’s certainly more important to teach unconditional love and its benefit – NO DYING; rather, LIVING FOREVER.

 

Little kids can get a handle on love very easily – a lot more easily than they can get a handle on the multiplication tables. Which do you really think is more important in the long run?

 

doing what comes easiest

 

Leave those tables to those who like such things and pick them up easily. We need such people. Leave physics and chemistry to our research scientists. We need such people.

 

But don’t lay Latin, French, physics and chemistry on someone like Eliot

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whose major field of study is girls. Knowing and understanding girls is very important – especially for boys.

 

But I shouldn’t even say especially to boys. A lot of girls have no clue when it comes to knowing the sexual makeup of a female. They’re as befuddled when it come to sex as much as boys who think they know everything there is to know about sex.

 

learning the essentials

 

Just perhaps my intense curiosity over girls will produce great benefits for all of us. Now if only, in addition to studying girls, I could have been taught about the nine operational laws of the universe, I could have been spared decades of misery, both for myself and for others.

 

Some people foolishly think we have to learn things the hard way. You parents out there: do you hope your kids will learn things only by going through hell? Why should we think God is any different when it comes to Her/His kids?

 

putting more money in your pocket

 

Under Ellie’s leadership, every American will save a ton of money because there will be no more need to waste money on foolish things. Right off the bat you can have money to spend as you see fit by not filing an income tax this year.

 

True enough, if you’re expecting a tax refund, you won’t get it if you don’t file. But let me ask you, would you rather get a refund, or have a big part in ending the war in Iraq with all of its senseless killings?

 

putting our money where our mouths are

 

Most everyone is decrying the war in Iraq. Well, not worrying about collecting their refund is a great way for people to put their money where their mouths are!

 

no secret what Ellie is up to

 

Ellie will leave secrecy and closed-door sessions to others. No one will ever have to wonder what Ellie has up her sleeve. She goes sleeveless most of the time, and braless all of the time – except when she’s having play-time!

 

 

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informing Washington

 

I want everyone in Washington to know what America’s mini-skirted leader in P’Town is up to. I want to spread the word to everybody all over the world of my doings. Even my love life is an open book. Now that’s different, isn’t it?

 

That’s just one more way I’ll save the American people a bundle. All the investigations we hold to get to the bottom of things cost the American tax-payer money that would be much better spent for humanitarian purposes. If I’m shacking up – if I’m giving or getting blow jobs – I’ll tell you myself all about it in living color! Each remembrance of those things just puts a bigger smile on my face. Does a scowl give you much of a lift?

 

the importance of many not filing a tax report

 

Ellie’s plan to end the war depends on getting a great number not to file. This in and of itself will be a strong message that America is finally seeing the light and will no longer lend support to the war through the payment of taxes.

 

With a sudden decrease in revenue, the administration will have no choice but to find another policy. To be any good at all, it must be a policy which itself observes the nine operational laws of the universe – especially the law of unconditional love.

 

Unless America sees the terrorists as family – and drops the judgmental label “terrorist,” the new policy will be no better than the old one. It’s high time to chuck the old and bring in the new!

 

Ellie inciting civil disobedience?

 

Some might see Ellie as inciting civil disobedience. But not paying taxes is no such thing. If anything, the tax laws themselves, are a form of disobedience – a disobedience to the law of free-will. They are something that has been forced on the American people, violating their free-will, or freedom.

 

There’s been a whole structure invented to make sure those taxes are paid. If you’re late in filing, or submit less money than needed to cover your obligation, or just plain don’t file even though you’re not exempt from filing, you’ll start to get threatening letters which spell out a bunch of bad things that can come your way unless you knuckle under and pay all that you’re supposed to pay.

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threatening letters in a nation of freedom?

 

Now really, what do threatening letters smack more of: democracy, or things like Nazism or Stalinism? Not paying taxes is not civil disobedience. Is it sensible to speak of disobeying something which itself is disobedience.

 

Back in the days prior to the Civil War black slaves were told they had better be content with their lot, because any thought of running away from white slave-owners was deemed the first stage of breaking the law. Fleeing to freedom was committing a crime. That’s pretty botched up thinking isn’t it?

Just like it’s botched up thinking to call non-tax-payers law breakers.

 

not a crime – just good thinking

 

Breaking what should be broken is hardly criminal. It’s simply good thinking. Draft-dodgers were looked upon as criminals when we had a draft. But the real criminal was the government itself who took away a citizen’s choice to make up her/his own mind.

 

Well, it’s easy to call the government criminal, but we have to see our part in the crime: we elected our government! Essentially we stuck it to ourselves by our own ignorance. ELLIE’S PROVINCETOWN LIBERATOR PROVINCETOWN LIBERATOR has been created to expose America to the truth – like never before.

 

Ellie is rolling away the stone that keeps us trapped in a tomb of ignorance. It is a tomb. We die because of our ignorance! Has any leader, past or present, ever offered the American people freedom from death?

 

money saved when death is eradicated

 

We’ve really come to a fun part: discovering how much more money we’ll have in our billfolds from not dying. It’s quite obvious that sickness is one of the major causes of dying. When you get sick enough, you’ll die. But if death is wiped out of the picture, you’ve probably killed two birds with one stone: you’ve wiped out sickness too.

 

one redeeming feature in sickness

 

Sickness essentially is a no-thing, merely the absence of the some-thing called health. Most of us will agree that there aren’t many redeeming features in sickness. Do you hear many people say, “Gee, I think I’d like to start growing a malignant tumor this week.”

 

School-kids plan on getting sick around test time but hardly ever during

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school vacations. I remember milking my asthma for all it was worth after I came down with it during my junior high school days. One bout with the wheeze could wipe out a whole week of the dreary process called getting educated.

 

our most frequent malfunction

 

Actually, though, there is one redeeming feature to sickness: its one of our dashboard warning lights. If it comes on, it’s a warning that something needs to be fixed, or else the malfunction is going to get worse. Most of the time it’s a malfunction called hate.

 

where we’re liable to get sick

 

Someone looks at us cross-eyed and we get offended. The look pisses us off. Amazing, we’ll start to get sick in the area which has to do with our description of how the cross-eye look makes us feel Pissed-off people frequently develop a malfunction of their pissing apparatus.

 

If a boss seems demanding, we tell our friends, “My boss gives me a headache!” Guess what kind of a malaise shows up more times than not!

 

The husband who shouts at his wife “You’re a real pain in the ass” when she wants him to switch channels from “Monday Night Football” to “Dancing

 

with the Stars” is a good candidate for hemorrhoids.

 

A common affirmation is: “You’re full of shit!” You can be sure that remark will backfire on the one uttering it. D’ja ever hear of constipation?

 

a good kind of refund – money never spent in the first place

 

How would you like to have back all the money you’ve spent by your getting sick over the years: in visits to doctors; the buying of medicines; hospital visits with a multitude of procedures; insurance premiums; time lost at work. The fight to heal a family of four of their many ailments over the years keeps many families living below the poverty level.

 

God help the person who comes along and has the audacity to suggest we’ve brought the trouble on ourselves by our shitty attitudes.

 

A waning love-life will cause our dashboard lights to come on. Partners complain about one another. “You just lie there like a corpse.” “Christ, I can’t get a good night’s sleep. You’re all over me 24/7.”

 

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Shangri La – or shanghaied?

 

Money starts to fly out of our wallets as we upgrade our home-entertainment systems to make up for boredom in bed. We takes cruises thinking romance will return on the high seas.

 

Many times all a cruise produces is cabin-fever because the high seas make us seasick. A holiday in Shangri La might bring temporary relief, but when we jump back into our beds at home we feel like we’ve been shanghaied.

 

Ellie’s no-tax policy a sure recipe for chaos?

 

A frequent argument mounted against not paying taxes is that the government itself will be forced to shut down. It’s a good possibility. I can think of worse things, and so can you.

 

The government may as well have been shut down when Katrina hit the Gulf Coast for all the good it did. It still isn’t meeting its commitments to the people down there. But it’s sure determined to wave the “Mission Accomplished” banner when it comes to Iraq. The chances of the government’s ever being able to raise that banner over Baghdad are slim and none.

 

if global-warming predictions come true

 

If some of the dire warnings come true that global-warming people are issuing, those who survive could find themselves in a Robinson Caruso-type situation of fending for themselves and cooperating with fellow-survivors to make the best of a bad situation.

 

But until our lives are completely snuffed out, we humans seem bent on surviving and going on with life. Hardly ever do we just roll over and die. That should tell us that there’s something screwy about all our talk about the inevitability of death.

 

waking up to almost complete annihilation a possibility

 

Hopefully we as a nation won’t have to learn things the hard way. But if we

don’t smarten up we could wake up some morning and find ourselves standing quite alone in the rubble – just like the people of Iraq when we unleashed our shock and awe on them.

 

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a desperate few with great ingenuity

 

The rubble could well be caused by the incredible ingenuity of a few people we would call madmen, savage beasts, uncivilized monsters. As a boy and even as a young adult I loved movies like “The Guns of Navarone.”

 

It was the story of how a handful of committed good guys blew to kingdom come a huge force of nasty Germans along with their dreaded super guns. The guns could glide out of the bowels of a mountain of solid rock and pick off ships at will.

 

I never realized that I was developing a mentality of violence that would aid and abet a national mentality of violence. But be sure that what goes around comes around. If we think our Department of Homeland Security will protect us from further assaults, we’ve got another think coming.

 

time on the side of desperados

 

The further in time we get away from 911, the less safe we become. It’s just natural to let your guard down over time. So what if terrorists have to wait ten years before pulling off something even worse? To them it’s worth the wait. One blow to the solar plexus could cause our entire nation to collapse in a heap of rubble.

 

an assault of a different kind

 

But the assault might not be from those we call enemies, but from things like hurricanes, floods, global warming. It could well be a combined assault as we’ve already experienced.

 

everything gone

 

We could well wake up some morning in debris, being able to only imagine the horrible destruction beyond our neighborhood. All our communication infrastructure could well have been destroyed: no newspapers to write the story; no television to show the story. Just us in our isolation to imagine the story.

 

No government, no buildings, no hospitals, no transportation, no police, no firefighters, no convenience stores, no football stadiums, no theaters.

 

Just little ol’ us – and likely not all of us: spouses without spouses, parents without children, children without parents, only some of our next-door neighbors. Now what? Now what?

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learning from recent history

 

Most of us have seen what could be a preview of coming attractions: we’ve seen New Orleans; we’ve seen what the Great Tsunami did. As much as wewho lived far from the destruction felt for the victims, even with the close-up media coverage, it’s hard to imagine how it is to lose practically everything: loved ones and belongings.

 

It’s one thing if first-responders are close by. But what if they have be annihilated.

 

going merrily along our way

 

It doesn’t take long after a massive tragedy before things are back to normal – except of course for the victims who are still in shock. Hear the roar coming from our sports arenas. See the excitement and gaiety of our red carpet functions. Consider how expensive toys fairly jump off the shelves into homes already overcrowded with toys.

 

How quickly we forget that those tragedies occurred just a little while ago. It just might be that we Americans are fiddling while our Rome is burning.

 

the aftermath: coping with widespread devastation

 

There’d be little sense in complaining in the wake of tragedy; not many would be listening. Laying blame would only compound our misery.

 

The best thing we could do for ourselves would be to find someone we could make love with as best we could – without one friggin’ complaint – without allowing one taboo to inhibit us.

 

A father: make love with a daughter? A mother: with a son? A born-again Christian: with a whore? What’s so new about that? Those things and a whole lot more! It would make more sense than our present craziness.

 

If worst comes to worst, masturbate! Maybe you’ve never masturbated in your whole life. Well, there’s no time like the present to learn. I’m sure you have the common sense to figure out how to make yourself come.

 

Should you masturbate or pray? Both! It’s a wonderful combination. As time goes on we’ll all get a handle on prayer. We’ll all know how to get exactly what we want and need.. Of course prayers of thanksgiving will be a staple in our daily routine. We’ll finally realize we’ve got a lot more to be thankful for than we ever imagined!

 

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not worrying about being the last man standing

 

There’s a Complete Man in you and a Complete Woman in you. As the One God once said, “Let us make man in our image”: you will be able to say to yourself, “Let us make another pair in our image.” And it will be done!

 

But that would be the last resort if you were the last person standing, the only survivor. But you wouldn’t be. Sooner or later a hot chick would wander into your neighborhood – probably singing a love song to herselfl Of course, lucky you, it would be Ellie – sexy, gorgeous, and 25. There was no way in hell she was going to die.

 

seduction on her mind

 

After some small talk, be prepared to be seduced, no matter who you are or what you are. Be sure I won’t pull out a check list to see if you will qualify for a great piece of ass! You’ll do, just the way you are!

 

Guaranteed, we’ll have a ball! You won’t have to have one worrisome thought about your performance. Ellie never finds fault!

 

a space-filler: Ellie’s original joke about two pet nipples

 

The two pet nipples of a buxom gal went into a ladies’ bar, climbed up onto a stool, and ordered martinis. The one on the right turned to the one on the left and asked: “Have you ever noticed that when the girl who keeps us as pets makes love, I get three-times more attention than you?”

 

The nipple on the left moaned in dismay, “Yes I have. Why is that?”

 

Her nubby buddy replied: “Because I whisper, ‘Over here! Over here! Over here!’ “

 

QUESTION: What does that tell you about her?

 

ANSWER: She knows the squeaky nubbin’ gets the rubbin’.

 

ELLIE’S COMMENT: “My pet nipples both squeak! I taught them to use their common sense!”

 

 

 

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Ellie in a playful mood: discovers a new talent

 

Just this morning – December 29, 2006 – I found myself in a playful mood, as usual. But this time I was playfully composing a limerick. I’ve never written one before, although I know a number of cute ones!

 

Here goes – after a word of explanation. You know what nooky is. You know what lack-o-nooky is. Well, those who will not tolerate lack-o-nooky are called “nookers.”

 

 

 

In P’Town there’s a cute girl named Ellie.

She’s got one beautiful belly!

 

One day there came by

a dandy supply

of good-looking nookers who took her.

 

She said to herself –

reaching up to the shelf:

“More coins for my jar labeled “Hooker”!

 

To yourself you owe it:

A date with her – don’t blow it!

 

She’s so EL-LIE- GANT:

Your money’s well spent!

 

So dig down deep:

don’t be a miserly creep.

She considers “thrifty” – not nifty!

 

She’ll move your heart

without falling apart:

after all – she’s 25, not 50 !

 

It’s for a good cause

if you want your paws

to explore all parts of her body.

 

She might leave you sore

but you’ll come back for more

of the gal who’s light-years from “shoddy”!

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Ellie not prudish

 

You may have noticed from this edition of the LIBERATOR that Ellie is not trapped in prudery, rules of polite behavior, and political correctness. None of these things have helped curb our penchant for violence, our warring tendencies, and our gross ignorance of things sexual. They don’t put smiles on our faces; rather, sneers of derision.

 

Get out your old family albums or unpack family portraits stored in attic boxes. Find some pictures dating back to the late 1800’s or early 1900’s. See the prevalence of well-covered bodies and stern, unsmiling faces. Our ancestors hardly looked like a happy bunch.

 

Put a bathing beauty from the roaring 20’s next to a cover-girl of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, Can you see a slight difference?

 

When I was a church pastor back in the 50’s, I use to rail against the wearing of skimpy bathing suits! Now today I wear suits 10 times skimpier!

 

Still a long way to go

 

But we’re still on the early part of the road from ignorance to truth. A million years from now we’ll look back at these days and see ourselves still cave men and women, and we’ll laugh ourselves silly.

 

Our backward thinking in the area of sex

 

In the late 90’s Eliot sold ladies’ shoes in Filene’s in the Cape Cod Mall. A common sight was a mom and daughter picking out shoes for the daughter. Girls wanted sexy; moms wanted sedate. Routinely moms won out. I saw many a girl leave the department with a heart slightly broken!

 

Girls’ wanting to break out of traps

 

As much as girls today want to break out of the trap of prudery, many find it next to impossible. By nature, they’re a fun-loving bunch. Girls just wanna have fun. Thank God for that! If it weren’t for the small minority of girls who allow themselves to have fun, the world would truly be a dull place.

 

God was wise when S/He invented the dimensions 36-26-36 and 36C. Our Creator knew those figures – or their approximations – would please most gals – and certainly most guys.

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I feel sorry for the gal – a 200-pounder with a 40-inch waist – whose guy says to her: “I love a big girl: there’s more of her to love.” Do you think most girls would be comforted by such a remark?

 

As much as we’re longing to be loved just the way we are, who of us really enjoy being the way we are, and want to stay that way? Not many, if any! Yet sadly, so many of us feel we’re trapped in our present undesirable shape, and we just have to live with it. But the good news is: we’re trapped in nothing but God’s love!

 

loving a person just the way s/he is

 

Loving a person just the way s/he is an example of Unconditional Love, the kind that’s such a rarity today. One having it loves a person (including oneself) with all of her/his faults, foibles, and lacks in every department.

 

That’s great! But it’s not for us to nag a person into changing. That’s choosing not to observe the law of unconditional love: warning lights will light up on our dashboard. Every person is responsible just for her/himself and for no one else.

 

Paucity of playful girls enjoying their sexuality

 

Truthfully, most of us are thankful, even in our jealousy, that at least a small minority of girls turn out to be hot chicks! What would a Patriots game be without their cheerleaders? Dull as hell! What would all our favorite TV shows be without bawdy broads? Girls sexy, gorgeous, and 25 are more important that we realize. That’s why God made them!

 

Yet, even of these girls, few really enjoy their sexuality. They put up with it because it brings in serious money. Whether whores, fashion models, rock stars, actresses, or luscious lovelies in the workplace, they only tolerate their sexy bodies. Because they run around with their boobs bursting out of their tops means nothing.

 

How can I make such an assessment? How many girls from these various categories do you expect to be living 100 years from now? Once-beautiful girls die daily! That shows us something was amiss in their lives. Perhaps the biggest cause of our illnesses and deaths is our inability to love and appreciate ourselves – just the way we are. Even strikingly beautiful girls are routinely afflicted with this problem

 

 

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The fact that most of them hide their nipples behind “no-show-through” bras or carefully positioned hands and arms is a tip-off these girls aren’t as free from the trap of prudery as they, or we, may think.

 

girls loving their own boobs and pussies?

 

How many girls love their own boobs and pussies – to where they love to stand naked before a full-length mirror and admire and thank them for their being a source of fun and pleasure for one and all?

 

This is a favorite pastime of Ellie! Though her reflection is far from perfect, you’d think it were if you were a fly on the wall overhearing her conversation with her less-than-perfect parts. They laugh and banter back and forth!

 

She loves the way Eliot loves them too. He makes all her deficient delicacies sing, and shout, and dance for joy!

 

A tiny minority

 

Free girls like Ellie are few and far between. She feels so badly for her sisters in general. Over the centuries they have gotten the shit end of the stick, and things have hardly changed.

 

Society has the tendency to pity minorities. It feels obligated to help their lot in life improve, and to make their members feel more comfortable. This is admirable. Ellie wholeheartedly endorses this.

 

Ellie also has a heart for the world’s largest majority: its girls. Girls are more discriminated against than the smallest minority.

 

Jesus a champion for women

 

One day long ago, someone arrived on the scene to be their champion. His name was Jesus. That’s so easy to see: just read the Four Gospels in the New Testament.

 

He gave love, respect, and dignity to the ladies. The lowly carpenter’s son really turned things around for “the weaker sex” (that label is a laugh!). He was for females long before the feminist movement was ever dreamed of!

 

 

 

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that unexpected visit to Eliot

 

Centuries later, Jesus dropped in on Eliot. He told Eliot he had His blessing in his quest to transform himself into Ellie, his dream-girl. Ellie would be pretty much what God had in mind for Her/His creation called “woman”: fun-loving, strong, independent, exuberant, self-sufficient, loving, sexy, gorgeous, and 25 forever.

 

Ellie was a long time in showing up, but she is here now – with balls, er, – with bells on – truly a new kind of gal. She’s a girl who has written: a poem inspiring countless numbers; a book uncovering great secrets of the universe; one bawdy limerick (undoubtedly she’ll have fun writing more); and a handful of risqué jokes.

 

She intermingles sex and seriousness; pricks, pussies, and prayer; flaunts her nipples and legs; bends over a little too far; teases passing truck-drivers; dreams of fucking anyone and everyone.

 

Ellie is a girl after Eliot’s own heart – Jesus’ heart – girls’ hearts – boys’ hearts – your heart! Enjoy her heart to the fullest!

 

Marvel of marvels – Ellie with child !

 

Someday down the road, Ellie will be with child! She wants this, imagines this – so she’ll have this! There are no impossibilities: only possibilities.

 

One of these days a girlfriend will email you a cute invitation to a baby shower for Ellie! It’ll be a co-ed affair!

 

A different kind of pregnancy

 

Hers will be a different kind of pregnancy. First of all, Eliot will be the father of her baby. One day the answer comes to Eliot/Ellie how they can knock themselves up. If sub-human creatures can do it, surely Ellie/Eliot can!

 

Ellie’s pregnancy will be delightfully deficient: no morning sickness; no cravings except for more of Eliot (you can be sure that craving will be satisfied); no visits to the doctor; no concern about diet and weight gained or lost; no slowing down; no beefing up; no labor pains; no rush to the hospital; no hospital; no doctor to deliver. Eliot got her into this; he’ll get her out of it!

 

By the way, can you imagine God saying to Her/Himself: “Let’s design Eve so that when she has kids, she’ll go through nine months of torture, capped

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off with horrendous labor pains”? Yet there are people (men mostly, so what’s new?) who attribute the pains to the fact that Eve botched things up by yielding to the temptation of the devil to eat the “forbidden fruit.”

 

females falling for a bill of goods

 

As Eliot, I heard numerous times a statement like: “you ought to be thankful you’re a male. You have no idea what we girls have to go through!” Then a laundry list of miseries follows, starting off with the monthly “illness.”

 

A most comprehensive list: PMS; inequality in the workplace; getting knocked up by a guy who could care less; shaving legs; sexual harassment; – the whole torturous journey right into the delivery room! Makes you wonder how we gals ever made it to the present!

 

Naturally, what you buy into and say: that’s what you get! I’m here to say: “It’s great to be a HUMAN BEING (A COMPLETE WOMAN AND A COMPLETE MAN) – totally free of all that shit, and all other shit!

 

Ellie’s home

 

In Ellie’s home, nudity is allowed. Ellie’s policy of openness prevails there as well as in Her White House – the three-decker on Provincetown Harbor – since they are one and the same place. Folks driving by can see Ellie nude in a deck chair – should they look her way. They will: you can bet on it!

 

realistic, hands-on sex education

 

Her kid or kids will have access to mom and dad’s room any time of the day or night. If a child wanders in while she is getting laid, and asks, “What are you doing, mommy?” she’ll tell her/him to wait until she comes – and then she’ll give an explanation. Meanwhile, the child can have fun watching.

 

Ellie’s kids will be home-schooled and her kids won’t feel like they’re doing hard time. She’ll pick up on their interests and encourage growth in those areas. Naturally, a big area of interest will be sex. Eliot/Ellie will give hands-on instruction in sex. She’ll teach any boy how to jerk-off; Eliot will teach any girl how to rub-off. It’s more fun that way.

 

The course really gets practical as well as exciting when the finer points of screwing are taught. Mom teaches a boy by screwing him. Eliot teaches a girl by screwing her. Their boys and girls can screw around with each other at will. You could say it’s a close-knit family! Truly: “ALL in the family”!

 

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Ellie before her time?

 

Ellie: a little before her time? Uh-uh: she’s on time – and in time!

 

fun writing; fun reading

 

I trust you’ve had as much fun reading this as I did in writing it. Thanks for reading it! We’re going to make beautiful music together!

 

You may send your donation by check payable to “Ellie” to:

 

Ellie

P.O. Box 1881

Provincetown, MA 02657

 

If you don’t have a checking account, send cash, or a money order, if that would make you feel more comfortable. If it would be better for you, feel free to send your donation in installments.

 

In any case, be assured I won’t send a threatening letter to you (a la IRS) demanding payment or else. The day is fast approaching when all that nonsense will be passé!

 

Thank you for your love and generosity! We’re all in this together: making our human family ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY!

 

 

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Have I told you there’s no one above you?

You fill my heart with gladness!

You take away all my sadness!

You ease my troubles – that’s what you do!

 

(from Van Morrison’s song, “Have I Told You Lately?”

- a Rod Stewart favorite –

- one of the songs I love to sing)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Photo labeled

 

Ellie-nude1

 

goes here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ANOTHER DAY – ANOTHER DOLLAR

 

PHOTO BY VAVA OF PROVINCETOWN

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PICTURE CREDITS

 

Ellie Tub 4 Pg. 5 VAVA of ProvincetownEllie_boat_close Pg. 6 PRU SOWERS,

THE PROVINCETOWN BANNER

EllieSports1 Pg. 8 VAVA of Provincetown

Ellie-nude1 Pg 123 VAVA of Provincetown

GALLERY AT END OF BOOK

 

mobile-ellie BRAD FOWLER,

Song of Myself Photography

 

Ellie-Pres BRAD FOWLER,

Song of Myself Photography

 

ellief2 ANA of Romania

 

our ellie RICHARD GIBSON & JERRY CASSESE

of Provincetown

 

ellieseranade copy JOHN WISSLER.

of Attleboro

 

Ellie Tits 5 VAVA of Provincetown

 

 

MY THANKS TO ALL!

 

(This piece of fun completed at 12:58 PM, Saturday, January 6, 2007)