Ellie’s

 PROVINCETOWN LIBERATOR

a newspaper for the World’s

ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY

2^{nd Edition, January 17, 2007}

Maybe you’ve been keeping tabs on Ellie; maybe you haven’t. Maybe all you know about her is that she’s a street performer in P’Town: you know that because you ran into her while she was performing. Even from that chance encounter, likely you sensed there was something different about her.

Ellie started her new career as a street singer on July 25, 2003. By the end of 2005 her career had soared to amazing heights. It only stood to reason that 2006 would see more of the same success. Yet 2006 was a bust!

Around the first of March, Ellie hurt her back lifting furniture while moving – her eighth move in five years. Her conditioned worsened to where during two different weeks she could walk hardly a single step: she was bed-ridden (not the good kind!).

During the peak weeks of the tourist season her time was taken up with rushes to the ER, doctors’ appointments, tests galore, evaluation sessions, and weeks of physical therapy.

Ellie hardly felt like the 25 she sees herself as: more like the 74 her birth certificate said she was. In opposition to her vision, doctors and therapists repeatedly said her troubles were mostly because she was getting up in years! I bet most of you would say the same thing: “Yes, Ellie, that’s just the

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reality of it all: as we age, our bodies start to fall apart at the seams. So don’t fight it; just accept it.”

I used to feel the same way. I’ve been around a lot longer than it appears to most people. I’ve seen family members, neighbors, friends, classmates – scores and hundreds of them – get old, and fall apart at the seams. Many of them are dead now. Most of them died because of a sickness or disease.

Back in 1985, when I was only 54, I was practically a cripple. Having a hard time walking back then even, I went to an orthopedic surgeon who gave me the good news: if you don’t have both knees totally replaced, within five years your days of walking will be over; you’ll be in a wheel-chair for the rest of your life. I never took his advice.

I grew up with sick, aging, crumbling bodies all around me. All too soon mine was one of them. Funerals were unwelcome occurrences that gained in frequency.

As a church pastor I sat with the dying and prayed with them. Not many recovered; most of them died and I conducted their funerals. Little wonder I believed in sickness, growing old, falling apart at the seams, and dying. The best I could do for my parishioners, it seemed, was to help them accept these things gracefully.

Yet deep in my heart I sensed there was something wrong about them. Something just didn’t add up. Actually it drove me to years of serious study.

I always hated formal schooling. To me, the best part of going to school was coming home from it! Yet if I came across something of interest – girls for example – I could throw myself heart and soul into the study of it on my own.

I surely studied girls; with equal intensity I studied the things leading up to death, and death itself. What a double major that is!

Hopefully you can see my message of living forever, without the interruption of death, is not something I dreamed up recently – a bit of

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sensationalism to give Ellie a little more pizzazz. Like she needed more! Just maybe there’s a little more to her than meets the eye?

We accept so many things as being “inevitabilities of life.” We are brainwashed into accepting them by seeing them and/or hearing about them over and over. It never dawns on us they could be bogus! Sickness, old age, death, etc. – just frauds? “Never in a million years!” we retort.

On top of all this, we’re taught that part of maturity is gracefully accepting our limitations. Some things can be changed. Some things can’t be changed. We’re among the wise, we’re told, when we know what can, and what can’t be changed. Serenity comes when we change what we can, and gracefully live with what we can’t.

Well, according to that, I’m neither wise nor serene. Funny thing though: I don’t feel like a dumb bunny! What’s more I feel pretty damn serene! Believe me: I know what no serenity feels like: it’s a shitty feeling to say the least. I was anything but serene for 70 years. I’ve got a Ph.D. in Turmoil.

How I’ve felt for the last five years since I moved to Provincetown is completely different. I’ve acquired a B.A. in Serenity and I’m working on my masters! The word “working” though doesn’t suit me. I hate work. Always have; always will. I’m strictly a fun-girl; a play-girl.

Now I don’t mean to imply that living in P’Town is the reason for my serenity. Heck no! It seems like I’ve had more problems in the five years I’ve been here than in my previous 70 elsewhere! I won’t bore you cataloging them. That wouldn’t be good for either of us.

I’d rather focus on what I have to be grateful for! Whenever I start to give thanks, serenity comes rushing in on me like a flood. I’m awash in it – no matter what’s coming down in my life!

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I’ve come to the point where I give thanks in the worst of circumstances. Some people call that dumb. I call it smart: it makes me feel wise; I feel I’m no dumb bunny.

Feeling wise is a nice feeling. Ellie thrives on nice feelings! Of all kinds! Have you been felt-up nicely lately?

I’m so glad and thankful I’ve escaped from my ignorant acceptance of old age, falling apart at the seams, sickness, and death! What a happy day it was when Jesus told me I was trapped only in the love of God!

On that joyous day I walked out of a multitude of traps that had been causing me so much pain and misery. Including my masculine gender!

From the first time I unexplainably slipped on a pair of my mom’s soft pink bloomers at the age of five, it seems I leaned toward wanting to be a girl. That feeling simply increased with the passage of time.

But really, how ridiculous can a boy be? I was born with a pull-toy between my legs; I’d die with one there. I was doomed to disappointment.

That unexpected visit of Jesus was something else again! I caught from my Hero just one morsel of truth but in a nanosecond I was able to see a multitude of happy applications.

Truth is a sweet contagion. There’s nothing more contagious in the whole Universe than Truth. Its essence is Love. You don’t acquire Truth/Love from brain-strain. You catch it from one who is a carrier of it. I caught Love and Truth from Jesus.

I’d be willing to lay money: in addition to the truth you’ve already caught from others, you’ve caught some more from me – though you might not even realize it yet! Truth that once you thought was too wild and wooly to touch with a ten-foot pole! You’ll have a ball spreading the EASE!

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When Ellie’s medical friends pronounced her piss-poor prognosis, attributing her back trouble in large measure to her old age, she smiled politely. True enough, she began a rebuttal but soon gave up on it: she knew the better part of wisdom was not to argue. So she changed the subject.

“Win an argument – lose a friend,” “There is nothing more certain as death and taxes.” There are many such sayings: we grow up with them all around us. Most of the time we swallow them hook-line-and-sinker – not realizing many are stinkers!

Take the one: “Forty-million Frenchmen can’t be wrong,” I say that to myself when compliments keep coming my way about my legs!

But really, my common sense tells me forty million Frenchmen can be wrong. And that’s no knock on the French cuz it holds true for all nationalities. Who’s dumb enough to believe that forty million Americans can’t be wrong?

I think my legs are gorgeous too. My assessment isn’t based upon people’s opinions. If it were, I’d be in deep shit. One day I overtook two guys on Commercial Street. A little ways past them, I heard one of them say: “Wow, what a great pair of legs.” His buddy retorted: “Whadda ya talkin’ about: she’s bow-legged!”

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My good self-image is based upon truth, derived from using my common sense: God created me; I share Her/His essence. God’s not junk; nor am I.

In the face of the not-so-hot-sounding prognosis of her medical helpers, Ellie faced the summer knowing at least this: the love of God would empower her to do some other things that didn’t require walking including:

1) on June 21, the first day of summer, publishing her first book with the rather lame title: ELLIE’S BOOKBOOK. However it had the rather un-lame sub-title: THE BOOK THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR;

2) on September 1, announcing her candidacy for the Presidency of the United States (Ellie is a fun-gal, but this was no April Fools’ Day joke);

3) on September 3, declaring herself the winner, and assuming the role of America’s Leader;

4) shortly thereafter, unveiling her plan for ending the war in Iraq, bringing our troops home immediately, dismantling our armed forces, and destroying all our munitions;

5) helping the Iraqis rebuild their lives and country by showing America that the only sensible thing to do in the wake of our military madness was sending to the Iraqis a gigantic love gift (billions or trillions of dollars) to enable them to do those things;

6) through the writing of two more books, and many essays, showing Americans the need for re-creating America, and getting it right this time;

7) on New Years Eve, December 31, publishing the first edition of her own new newspaper: ELLIE’S PROVINCETOWN LIBERATOR; PROVINCETOWN LIBERATOR; and in effect,

on the same date, publishing her fourth book of the summer: RE-CREATING AMERICA: GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME. Ellie saw that she had created two things all rolled into one. Pretty efficient, huh?

That was about all she did during 2006! Oh, she also had fun watching the New England Patriots make their run for a fourth Super Bowl. Best of all was getting it on with Eliot. That too required little walking.

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The main purpose of this 2nd edition of her paper is to inform you of the golden opportunity you have to obtain her latest book. She’s asking for a donation of either $15 or $25. If you go into Barnes and Noble or Borders that’s pretty much the going-range for books that might have only limited entertainment and/or knowledge-building value.

But frankly, I know of no book on the market that offers you more benefits than mine. How many books tell you how to keep from dying? Have you ever read one that did?

Another major thing my writings offer you is freedom from slavery! “Oh geez, this Ellie “whatever-she-is” is over the top! Now, according to her, I’m a slave!” I can hear those words reverberating over the dunes of P’Town!

With all due respect to Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr., I submit to you that everyone born in America is born into slavery. Each day every American newbie joins the ranks of slaves.

“The Land of the Free!” Another stinker we swallow hook-line-and-sinker!

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Most of you don’t realize it, but you’re a slave in a more deplorable condition than the poor blacks of Lincoln’s Day. You have a vague, icky feeling. You suspect something’s radically wrong, but you can’t put a finger on it.

The reason for that lousy feeling is because you’re a slave. Ellie in her writings does more than put a finger on the reason. She liberates you from your bondage! If you let her! That’s why the title of her new newspaper includes the word “LIBERATOR”!

Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn’t get too excited about the up-coming election, no matter who’s running for what! Guaranteed, it’ll simply be more of the same-old-same-old.

Besides, there’s a leader already in place! Granted 99.99% of America doesn’t know this. But there’s at least one person who does! Naturally it’s that “know-it-all” – Ellie! Yup! And she also knows she’s the leader!

Get excited about things that really count. Here are two: (1) Ellie (2) nifty nooky.

“Double N” is important even if you’re an old maid, confirmed bachelor, widow, or widower – especially if you’re one of those! Singles get really grumpy without good lovin’! You don’t need a partner to have super sex. Take it from one who knows!

You are trapped in the love of God only. You can be sure the God of love did not create one of Her/His Children to end up as a skeleton. Is there such a thing as a gorgeous skeleton, or even a good one? By “good” I don’t mean one with no bones missing!

Uh uh! Every skeleton, including yours, is a piece of junk. You should know better than to think God makes junk!

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I’m sure most Americans would hardly think a P’Town street-performer, an avowed lover of fun and frolic, could have anything significant to say. But to be sure, someone making a discriminatory judgment like that is hardly displaying much common sense.

At least what I have to say is different, if not significant. Being different, it won’t be boring. That’s one thing I have going for me! But that in itself should alert you to the possibility it might be worth your while to give me a hearing.

Tell me in all honesty: have you heard anything new coming out of Washington? Is there any leader on the national level who is laying even one fresh idea on the table? Merely re-working old ideas hasn’t cut it, nor ever will.

Nevertheless come November 2008 we’ll re-work an old idea: we’ll hold our presidential election – with all its fussy folderol. By that time I won’t be the only one who knows America already has a leader. Yet I’m sure the country still will play the goofy game of electing a new president.

We’ll simply end up with one more president concerned mostly with her/his legacy. A lot of good that does us ordinary citizens!

Before too long it’ll become clear to all that this outrageous P’Town showgirl has spent more time considering the world’s most important issues than has the whole kit and caboodle in Washington – which seems bent

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on paddling in the pond of peripheral points. Moreover, she’s got the writings to prove it: clear, fresh, simple, fun! Not a huge amount: simply the right amount! Enough to meet the needs of a world in trouble!

You can bet your bottom dollar I won’t be wasting your tax dollars on Inaugural Balls. Every day is a ball for me – bigger and better than all The Presidential Balls past and present. I won’t waste your tax dollars by surrounding myself with an army of secret service persons. I don’t need their protection. The Whole Universe protects me!

I won’t waste you tax dollars flying around the world in Air Force One. Oh, I’ll fly around the world alright – in my own private jet – Ellie One – bought and paid for by myself with money earned for services rendered. The plane will be loaded with my skimpy outfits.

Of course I’ll leave room for my cart and boom-box so I can entertain during relaxed visits on my itinerary. I’ll comply with all noise-level ordinances, like a good little girl! I’m America’s Leader and Good Will Ambassador all rolled into one!

For sure you won’t waste your tax dollars by planting me six-feet-under with a substantial pomp and circumstantial burial. I believe in living forever; I’m planning on living forever; consequently I am living forever! Simple, huh?

I won’t waste any of my easily-earned money on building The Ellie Library. But maybe with my own cash I’ll build Ellie’s Wax Museum and hire an artist in the train of Madam Tussaud to create a whole bevy of Ellies. They’ll be dressed in all kinds of sexy outfits – both outerwear and lingerie. Maybe a few dressed in nothing but heels and jewelry.

What a blast! I’m glad I don’t have to be dead to be waxed up.

The perfect location for it will be on my magical island-town of P’Town Too which I’m planning to build in international waters off Race Point. This new Shangri La is my solution to P’Town’s affordable housing crisis. What a draw Ellie’s Wax Museum will be! It’ll certainly boost P’Town’s lagging economy too. (A fuller description of Ellie’s floating town with its 1000’ Love & Peace Monument is found in the first edition of 12-31-2006)

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Of course, I’ve spoken unnecessarily about wasting your hard-earned tax dollars. For one simple reason: under my leadership we won’t have ugly things like taxes and the IRS. And all the other no-good stuff which makes everyone born within our borders a poor slave!

At first you may call me crazy. But I bet just reading my craziness in this publication is causing you to have at least a tiny, not-so-crazy, good feeling! Please don’t pooh-pooh that little feeling. It’s your tip-off that maybe Ellie’s not all that crazy.

You’ll be anxious to read my next edition – even though you hope it arrives in a plain brown wrapper. God forbid anyone should know you read ELLIE’S PROVINCETOWN LIBERATORPROVINCETOWN LIBERATOR ! Screw the wrapper: let it all hang out!

The 1st Edition in book-form is titled RE-CREATING AMERICA; GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME. I can email you the book. Some people have already received their copy that way. However, there are those whose computers won’t take 130 pages +- without clogging things up. The book includes a photo gallery.

If you want the book but have a clog-able computer, I can print you up your own special copy and mail it to you – or hand-deliver it. I recommend that way because I know you’ll want to keep this book out to share with your loved ones and friends. I believe you’ll find it that good.

Either way, please write to me at P.O. Box 1881, Provincetown, MA 02657 requesting the book and including a check-donation: $25 for a printed/ mailed copy; $15 for an emailed one. Or do the best you can.

Re-creating America is not a one-gal affair: it’s a FAMILY AFFAIR! Let a few friends read your copy and tell them how to get their own. If we all PLAY around with this, we’ll re-create America in no time flat!

If you know of people who would like to receive Ellie’s book and newspaper please tell them to email me their addresses; or mail me their postal

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addresses and I’ll send them printed copies.

As America’s leader I don’t head a government that demands taxes from you to pay for my subsistence: for what? Services rendered? Is enslaving people much of a service? Or putting its citizens in harm’s way?

Allegedly, our government protects us. No way! “They that live by the sword die by the sword.” That’s truth! The Department of Homeland Security is no better than the much ballyhooed Maginot line of World War II devised to keep the German forces from invading France.

Ellie renders real services through her singing, writing, leading, and the giving of hope and encouragement. For these good things she sets up a “tip bucket.” Happy tippers are in good supply; Ellie is grateful for them!

Most editions of the LIBERATOR like this 2nd one will be quick easy reading – fun – different – vital. They grow on you. You sense they’re centered in truth and reality despite any apparent frivolity.

I’ll be anxious to receive your feed-back. If you think I’ve not made something clear, please tell me and I’ll do my best to clarify it without being argumentative. If something triggers a thought or revelation of your own, I’d love to have you share it with me.

I don’t see myself as the sole fountainhead of truth. I’ll never again be so stupid as to feel I can’t catch it from others. I’m happy to catch truth from you! It’s exciting! All of truth resides in our ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY!

Photo – Ellie e-mail 6 – by

VANESSA VASTABEDIAN

Boston

A Common Sight on Commercial Street: Checkin’ Out Ellie’s Legs!

See the gent on the doorstep?